No, not me. That’s what your spouse or partner asks (or begs) when you might be going to an attractive city for a business meeting. And that may be a great idea, especially in these times when tight family budgets may have meant that your previous vacations in the last two years have been “stay-cations” (not that there is anything wrong with staying in our beautiful part of the world where the people are wonderful, the grass is green, and prices are moderate).
Taking your spouse along can be a way for the two of you to visit a glamorous location without the extra costs of hotels, cabs, bell staff, rental cars, etc. Two can enjoy New York or Las Vegas for the price of one — you work and they get to play during the day. At night you can both enjoy the city and maybe you even extend for a day. All it costs is the spouse’s airfare and meals.
A great idea, right? Hmm.
At the risk of the wrath of spouses throughout Dane County, including mine, maybe and maybe not. A lot of it depends on how much travel you are doing. I travel 100 days a year. When my wife retired, she was asked by others what she wanted to do, and her reply was that, among other things she was involved in, she wanted to travel with me. (I do go to a lot of great cities — New York, Washington, Toronto, Las Vegas, London, Chicago, etc.)
The answer from me was a firm “a little bit more.” So it took some explaining to help her understand my reasons, especially since we do travel together on regular vacations and she had helped me with meetings in the past.
Travelling 100 days or more a year is hard. It is physically and mentally tiring. Early departures, delayed flights, delayed luggage, strange beds, bad food, lousy pillows, and changes in time zones are not good for the body or mind. Add to this the stress of being “on stage” for meeting with clients and customers — always thinking, always ready to do the best you can do. You may have started the day prepping your exhibit, going to sessions, attending receptions, taking clients out, or just calling on individual clients in different parts of the city. Then add to all of this the fact that you need to answer 100 e-mails as soon as you open your notebook back in the hotel room. It is just a hard day.
She explained she would shop and stay out of my way. But clearly she expected some time together. It would be romantic, she suggested.
I knew that was a nice picture, but reality would be a different picture.
I had to explain that the only downtime I had was back in the hotel room, and I really needed quiet time and order. When I am on a 3-4 day trip, the first thing I do is unpack, put away my things and “arrange” the room. That means the alarm clocks are on the left side of the bed, there is nothing on the dresser, my papers are on the desk in a certain order, and my toiletries are arranged the way I preferin the bathroom. Why? Because I need to bring order to the chaos of the day.
A case of OCD?
Maybe. But understand that when on the road, I am never fully relaxed — if I wake up during the night or in the morning in a darkened room, I always know which city I am in and why I am there. So it really is not totally restful sleep. Knowing where everything is in the room just gives me a sense of calm.
I also know that when I come back to the room at 6 p.m., I might want to sleep or nap after a hard day, or spend time doing 50 e-mails, and just order room service. Quiet. Other nights I might want to go out and get some spicy Indian food at 8 p.m. or a not eat very much at all.
Don’t get me wrong. My spouse does travel with me — on certain trips where I know I will have some down time.
If you want to bring your spouse with you, it is really important that they understand your rules of the road. Here are some of my best to share with your spouse!
Basic guidelines that must be agreed upon:
- Make sure your spouse understands: “This is my business trip. You are important to me and I know that. but during this trip I need to do business so I can continue to contribute to our household income.”
- You need to help me succeed. That means you need to let me sleep when I need to sleep — even if it means that it is when I get back to the room at 6 p.m. I might need to sleep for an hour before I go to a banquet or reception at 8:00. That might mean we don’t dine together. I also might be coming back to the room at midnight and need to do some more emails. With the lights on. And I might need to be getting dressed while you want to sleep in the morning.
- It will help me if you make the room restive — in my personal case, orderly. (In your case, it might be totally relaxed and/or messy).
- Message to business person: You may need your spouse to entertain or help you if they are along. They need to be prepared to be a vital part of your evening or simply tagging along and in the background. Better they understand their role and what you need.
- You should review when you will for sure have time to be together, when you can eat together, when you will need quiet time. Unless it is a trip where it is couples or where the schedule is light, establish what the expectations are. Find out what your spouse’s expectations are. Are they expecting you to drop them off somewhere or pick them up? If your spouse’s expectations are different than yours, you will have a conflict — either on the road or when you return.
- Think about extending for a day or two. Or having your spouse arrive a day after you do. Spending time together at leisure might be an easy answer.
If you have multiple road trips, pick some trips that your spouse can come along. It might be a trip where your spouse will be an asset and/or where you will both have things to do and it won’t interfere with the purpose of your trip.
Finally, plan carefully. Your happiness is dependent on a well agreed to plan.
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