Madison Common Council Resolution 19141523: Restricting the Amount and Type of Snow that can Fall in the City of Madison
Whereas the brutal cold and relentless snow has utterly worn out its welcome in the City of Madison; and
Whereas snow removal is expensive and the City Budget is already strained due to a myriad of factors including but not limited to the general recessive nature of the current economy; and
Whereas parking ticket revenues for snow related violations disproportionately affect renters who can least afford to pay for them; and
Whereas people are really sick of shoveling their sideways four times a day and icy sidewalks create walk-ability hazards; and
Whereas Winter lasts entirely too long;
Be it therefore Resolved that beginning on January 1, 2010, snow is forbidden from falling from the sky into the City of Madison in excess of 5 inches in any given month and;
Be it therefore further resolved snow falling is limited to three months, beginning December 1 and ending March 1 and;
Be if therefore further resolved that snow cannot fall concurrently with temperatures that are below zero Fahrenheit; and
Be it therefore further resolved that snow is not eligible to fall in Madison within 24 hours of rain, sleet or other precipitation.
Failure to comply with Madison’s new snow standards will result in a fine of $500 per square mile for each inch that falls in excess of allowable snow standards. Monthly five inch totals are non-transferable to other months.
Registrants for: General population.
Registrants against: School Children for Snow Days; the Snow Plow Lobby; Citizens Against Inane Madison Resolutions.
Testimony included concerned private snow plow lobbyists who indicated that this unfriendly attitude towards snow would drive all the snow to surrounding communities, including Fitchburg, Sun Prairie and Middleton, who would then reap the benefits of increased snow emergency parking violation revenues. The General Population reminded the lobbyists that we are indeed not Fitchburg, Sun Prairie or Middleton — and therefore are not subject to the Laws of Nature. The Children for Snow Days sent very touching cards showing how much fun they had frolicking when more than 5 inches of snow pummeled the area, hence incapacitating buses, and more importantly in Madison, their bikes.
Call your alder and encourage them to support this resolution. After all, in Madison, Pluto is a still a plant, we have five official city songs, i have a pink plastic flamingo in my living room because, well, that’s our bird. Why not throw in a snow limit?
I vote yes!
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